Skywalker Babble A Diary Documentary
by opheliapain19
Summary: Anakin finds that writing in a diary is mighty good fun- laugh into insanity!


K, I don't know Georgie Lucas, Chewie or Yoda's Aunt Lola. If you think I own anything Star Wars your probably emailing me a stalker email write now. Sadly, I don't have anything to do with Star Wars or the guy who made up Jabba's language, although I couldv'e given some great pointers....I think. K? Read with cheer!  
  
Day One- At Padmes  
  
I had to sneek off so I could write this. Obi Wan likes to read my thoughts. The pervert. Anyways, guess where I am!? PADME'S! Can you beleive it? I can barely believe it myself. I can't also believe Obi Wan when he says my middle name is Buford. Anakin Buford Skywalker? Puhlease, no one would ever believe that! I was such a sweaty mess before I walked into the courters but Jar Jar was there so I had someone to blame the smell on. But then Obi Wan up and opened his humongous mouth and exclaimed, "Anakin, did you forget your deodorant again? P-YOU!", making me really blush and stuff. Jar Jar left after that, to look for P-You. I don't think he realizes thats a figure of speech but it got rid of him right after I up and embarrassed myself by telling him about my love for Padme. Can I ever just shut my trap? Nope. Its got like this mind of its own sometimes. Freaky! Anyways, Master and I are arguing about politics again. But its a waste of time to argue about it with Obi Wan because he still thinks politics is about a guy named Paul who has ticks. Geeeeez.  
  
Day One- Still at Padmes, I am in the closet  
  
~OH MY GOSH! I haven't had this much excitement since well, never! First the little assassins came but I proved how handsome and great I was by killing em, right in front of Padme. I was alittle confused though when she woke up screamin, "EW! Theres worm guts all over me!" Is anything ever good enough for her? Then Master gets a little confused too and leaps out the window singing "I Believe I Can Fly". I tried convincing him he couldn't before but does he listen? Noooooooo. Well then I had to go rescue him and I stole this really cool speeder, ya know that handled really well. I told that to Master but he was all pouty and stuff. He always hates it when I get to drive the cool cars and he has that wimpy Chevy Cruiser. Man, it is UGLY! I get sooo sick of him whining that I up and jump out of the speeder. The sick thing is I think Obi Wan was happy about it. Ugh. I landed right on top of this nifty speeder and then realize this is the assassin we're looking for. I wrestle the ship towards this bar, which Master still hasn't thanked me for, and then run after her. Obi Wan stops me, yells at me about chasing chicks and losing my lightsaber then goes off to get drunk. Typical! I finally see her but she's just about to shoot Obi Wan in the back. I try to get his attention and by the time I do, he turns around on his chair and cuts the poor womans arm off! I couldn't believe it! Well, then I try and get info from her but a bounty hunter shoots her first and she shrivels up like a prune. And doesn't Obi Wan spend the rest of the night trying to remember a stupid cake recipe for Yoda while there are all these bad people trying to kill Padme! Man alive!  
  
Day Two- Somewhere in a laundrymat  
  
~Life is soo wonderful! Obi Wan got Yoda ticked at him so now I get to protect Padme on Naboo, in a galaxy far far away....Hmm. I'm not sure why I wrote that. Ignore please. Anywho, we took this transport and I tried to get her to play Truth or Dare but she was all bratty and stuff, telling me I am not allowed to. How does she know that? I hate women that can read minds. Its about as annoying as Kenobi reading my thoughts and then falling asleep promptly afterwards. UGGGGGGGGH. We arrived at Naboo and I tried to flirt with her, by saying how proud I was that she decided to become a Senetor. I really am not sure what a Senetor is but it sounds important. I think she knew I had no clue cause she pulled her headdress further over her ears and started humming songs by The Clash. "Rockin' the Cashbah, rockin the Cashbah..." Women are so hard to please! Well Padme is insulting me in front of the Queen, should probably defend myself. Lalalalalalaa.....  
  
Day Two- In my bedroom, hiding under the covers from the boogie monster  
  
~Okay now I am begginning to feel alittle self-conscious. I kissed her but she pulled away and reminded herself that she shouldn't have done that. I was clueless. I stared out into the lake to look really cute but the sun was in my eyes so I looked confused. When she looked back at me to see my expression, she laughed and called me a pathetic puppy dog. "The sun, it was the sun, I swear!" She didn't believe me. Grrrrr. But ha! I totally got her into me again by using my levitating powers to cut a pear for her so later we ended up staring at each other in this candle lit room. And I thought she was all into me and stuff, hanging out with me, but then doesn't she go and remind me that I live in a real world and to come back to it. That hurt my feelings. I don't even live on Naboo, how can I come back to it? Ok that made no sense. But niether did she, flirting and stuff then telling me I can't love her. Ugh! So I walked all seductively to the doorway and looked at her all sexy like. But the brat pulled out some Marx glasses and circled me singing, Nanner nanner nanner! My wooing is nothing to her! Urgh.   
  
Day Three- In a arena packed with mosquitos *scritcha scratcha*  
  
~Ok, trying to help my mom was a bad idea. I ended up getting wicked evil on this herd of cattle, no er Tuskens, and then Irish jigged out of Tatooine to Geonosia to save Master. Doesn't Obi Wan get a sarcastic with me when we were led out to be killed though! Is anything I ever do good enough? I did send the message and I did manage to keep one half of my lightsaber after it got sliced. Padme told me she loved me. I was really suspicious though cause with her hands tied behind her I couldn't tell if her fingers were crossed. When I asked to see her hands she told me to shut up. Yup. She said that. Now three gruesome looking creatures are coming towards us. Obi Wan is screaming 'Wilda Gon! Wilda Gon!' over and over, but I yelled over at him and said, "I can't wield a gun, my hands are locked!" Once again, he ignored me and Padme was ditching us. I end up with this totally easy bull and Master is running in terror from this praying mantis thing. No one does that better than Master Kenobi, I would know! Well guess I should stop writing is my diary now. Wait, if my hands are tied, how can I be.....?  
  
Day Three- Kicking droid booty!  
  
~Yoda is sooo cool! The bad guys let out this army of droids for me to play with. There was blaster richochet everywhere and Master Kenobi was being the biggest baby, not wanting to hurt the droids. His Mommy taught him to be nice to all things, he said to me. Whatta retard. I protected Padme, although I was still upset the whole telling me to shut up thing. How does one shut up? I tried to bend myself in half but it didn't work. I will consult the Jedi Library about this matter. Oh crap! Really nasty looking droids are coming out now. Dooku, the leader of the Evil Coalition, tells us to surrender. Hahahaha. Never give up, never surrender! I shout. Wait, where have I heard that before? Oh well. Then this is where Yoda does something totally awesome, showing up in transports and saving us from certain death. He is nifty about timing. I hop in with my cutie pie Senetor and my dimwitted Master to go after Doopoo. OH NOOOOO! Padme fell out! Padme fell out! MUST-HELP-PADME! Master yells really loudly at me. Whoa. He's never yelled that loud before. I think Dooku even heard him. Dannnnnng. Hope we get Doopoo!  
  
Day Three- Ow, ow, ow, ow......  
  
~Ow. He cut my arm off! I was doing my Jedi thing, twirling the lightaber faster and better than ever but I blink, as my eyes often do for some reason, and he gets me. I roll towards Obi Wan and the guy has the gall to say to me, "YOU HAVE B.O.!" I flail abit but do not recall much. I think I hallucenated a tad. I saw a green leprachaun and the wizard from The Lord of the Rings battling. But that couldn't be. Too silly. Padme is running towards me now. I don't know why, since I know she saw my arm missing, but she wanted to hug me. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.  
  
Day Four- Nabooo Heavennnnnnn......  
  
~YES! Padme let me marry her! I got a spiffy new arm and Master is off being confused in Corascant. Life is la-la-lovely. Should I name my first son Luke or Puke? Its all very confusing. Puke is a dignified name, right? I thought so. Well ttfn, diary readers. Until the trequel....wait,....whats a threquel and why is this guy in flannel making me wear all my shirts showing my chest? Hmmmm. *ko, ...kah....ko...kah....ko...kah......* I wish Padme would stop making me wear these corsets. I can barely breath! BYE!  
  
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There ya go, folks! Umm. Hee hee. Thanks for coming to read this, I hope you enjoyed it! Please review if you feel like it. I'd love to hear your opinion 


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